A YOUNG LOST LOVE

An interview with Shana Bowie about her Phoebe, Celestine Cohen Q. What is the name of your Phoebe?

A. Celestine Cohen, but most people know her as Celeste.

Q. Please tell me where and how you met Celeste. A. She was my neighbor who lived across the street from us in Roosevelt.

Q. And Roosevelt is located where? A. In New York.

Q. And what were you dealing with or going through when you met Celeste and she helped you through that period? A. There were several times where she was my angel. The first time I would have to say I was about 18 years old, and this guy I was dating had asked me to marry him, and I told him no for marriage, because I was still young at the time. But I wanted to introduce him to my family, and I chose Thanksgiving as that opportunity to bring him to Thanksgiving dinner with the family at the house in Roosevelt and to introduce him, but a few days before Thanksgiving I hadn't heard from him. And normally we had talked daily just to let each other know how we were doing, what we were doing for the day, nothing in depth, but he didn't show up to the house for Thanksgiving dinner, and I didn't speak to him. I was calling and calling. At that time, pagers were in; I was paging him, and I never got a response, and that was very unusual.

So, after Thanksgiving, I had a dream that he was shot and laying on the ground. And, while he was laying on the ground, his pager was going off and my number, at the time, was flashing. So, another neighbor, by the name of Linda, came by a few days after Thanksgiving —— I want to say it was that Monday morning —— she walked in my bedroom, and I saw her face and I said, "Jerome (which was his name) was dead." And she looked at me like how did you know?

But where Celeste comes in, she had just lost her husband a few years prior. Not that Jerome and I were husband and wife, but we were on that path, and because of her experience of losing her husband she was able to share and support me through that time of grief. And it’s been over 30 years, but I still feel that loss, and she was there to walk me through that grieving process of anger and of fear, because he was shot in his head five times and left for dead in the trunk of his car on the highway.

So, it's not that it was an expected death. You know, people get sick; they get terminally ill, so you almost expect them to leave this earth. But in that situation, it was a surprise, and not only was it a surprise but the way that he died, that was a merciless killing. It was an execution to shoot him five times in his face and leave him in the trunk of his vehicle on the highway. So, Celeste was able to help me through that grieving process.

She noticed that I was always in the house. I wouldn't leave the house, so she would come over and get me. She knew we liked to the eat crab legs, so she would fix a crab boil and would sit and talk to me and let me know that I could share whatever I was feeling with her no matter what it was —— the anger, the fear, the resentment. It was just as if my life was over. She walked me through that grief. She shared her story of her marriage and the different challenges she had gone through with her husband; he died unexpectedly. We were able to share that experience because she understood my pain, because she had gone through it. Again, not that Jerome and I were married, but we were on that road, because he had asked me to marry him. So, she helped me through a very difficult time. That was the first difficult time she helped me through.

Q. Thank you for sharing. That was very heartfelt and emotional. Thank you. So, there are others who will hear this story and/or read this story. What piece of advice would you give to them? A. I would tell them not to suffer in silence. I'm one that's an introvert. I hold my feelings inside and, supporting me through that situation, she almost forced me to open up and share what I was feeling. Because, to keep those feelings inside, the Devil used that as a playground to impart negativity into your mind, mentally, and into your emotion, and you start to feel like life is over and there's nothing after this or I'm never going to get through this or I'm never going to get over this. And she took me back to the word of God. She took me back to the word of God and reminded me how He is my father. He is my mother. He is my boyfriend. He is my husband. He is my confidant. He is my brother. He is my everything. And, at the time, I didn't want to hear Bible scripture. I don't want to hear that, but despite what I was feeling, despite what I was saying she took me back to the word of God, which inevitably brought comfort. It brought healing. But she also hugged me as a mother, not just physically but with her words.

I would share do not suffer in silence; reach out to the matriarchs and patriarchs of your family —— the elders of the church. The Bible tells you to seek the elders when you're sick, and I was sick, and she was that elder in my life who understood where I was and pushed me into my future. So do not suffer in silence. Reach out to those around you.

Q. That is awesome advice. Do not suffer in silence; reach out to those around you. May I ask, is Celeste still alive? A. Yes, she is. I actually just spoke to her about a month ago.

Q. So, as we're getting ready to wrap this up, if Celeste were sitting here in front of you right now, what would you say to her? A. You know, when I talked to her a month ago and she started talking about all of the children that she interacted with because she had a day care and my son, the oldest, Jared, is her godchild. And, as a child, he couldn't say godmother, so he said godmudder. So the way we spelled it was g—o—d—m—u—d—d—e—r. Because he called her godmudder, all the children that were in her daycare began to call her godmudder.

So, I was sharing with her then —— she was telling me how I raised such beautiful sons, but I said, "I didn't raise them alone, because you helped me." You helped raise a village. Even though she doesn't have any birth children, I reminded her, “YOU HELPED RAISE A VILLAGE, and I APPRECIATE YOU —— what you did for me, how you prayed for me, how you cared for my family,” and she was very grateful, and I would tell her again. Not only were you my neighbor, you were my mother; you were my friend; you were my confidant, and I thank God for having her in my life!

Shana, that was an absolutely beautiful Phoebe story. Thank you for sharing. As I mentioned in the notes I gave you, this is a ministry, and it is a ministry about celebrating those who have been there for us to help us navigate the muddy waters of life and, not only that, it's for those who will hear your story and those who will read your story who may be in that same boat and can't figure out how to get out of it; it's for them too. So, I thank you for sharing today.