Submitted by Diane Hunter
MY PHOEBE IS ADELINE HAMM, who accepted me into her home at the age of three years old. The story is my father went to Newark, NJ and took me to Washington, D.C. to live with him, his mother and his brother.
My earliest memory of my grandmother was her praying for a long, long time. That's what she did with me every night. She would teach me how to pray, and first it was the 23rd Psalm (the Lord’s Prayer). My grandmother couldn't read. As I got older, I realized she couldn't write her name. She would sign her name by placing an X for her signature. Later, she learned how to sign her name and that was a really big deal, and it still is!
Imagine raising a three-year-old child and you’re in your mid 60s…we shared a room from then until I got married at 23 years old…I mean absolutely no privacy at all!!!
As I got older, I wondered where my mother was. No one ever mentioned her. If I asked my father, he would just get angry. He was an alcoholic and abusive at times. I later found out my mother had other children and they all lived in Alabama.
My ongoing question and problem were what's wrong with me? Something had to be wrong with me if my own mother left me and she's with her other children. What did I do? I was the only child she didn't want. As a teenager, I had questions that my grandmother was not going to answer. Looking back, she loved me the best she could and knew how. There are just things that generation did not talk about.
I was a very angry teenager, but my family didn't know it. I couldn't shake the thought that something was terribly wrong with me; mothers don't leave; fathers leave. I was so angry I couldn't see the blessings that God had put in my life (my Aunt Mamie, Aunt Bertha, my Godmother Martha) -- just didn't see it then. I was too caught up in my own anger.
Because my grandmother was a praying woman, if I wanted to do anything I wasn't supposed to, that's when I did it. When she got on her knees, I would get on the phone. In my house, I couldn't talk on the phone after a certain time. I would go outside and hangout with my friends and get back inside before she got off her knees. I would say, “There ain't that much in the world to pray about!” Oh, was I wrong!
At the age of 19, I became a mother. The one thing my mother taught me was not to be like her. I was told to have an abortion or have the baby put up for adoption. I was told I would have to go on welfare to support my child. My answer was NO to every scenario that was thrown at me. I was not going to be my mother. The one thing I am very thankful for is that my mother, who I also consider to be my Phoebe, carried me full term and brought me into this world. She was the vessel God used to get me here. When you have a destiny, nothing or no one can stop it.
Because I was pregnant, I was thrown out of the house. I bounced around from living with family friends or at my baby's father’s house. I was pregnant and homeless. I was also dealing with another issue. I had the rubella shot that had living viruses in it. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time, and the doctor said my child had a 50% chance of having Down’s Syndrome. That's what activated my prayer life. All those nights beside the bed praying with my grandmother and watching her pray for long periods of time, I had the example of a praying woman and apparently that mantle was passed to me. I prayed the entire time that my baby girl would be healthy, and God answered my prayers. She was healthy. I did not go on welfare; I got a job and, four years later, I married my daughter’s father.
In my 30s, I went to Citronelle, AL two years before my brother’s death to meet six of my siblings. It was at that time that I found out that my mother’s mother raised my other siblings. I concluded that nothing was wrong with me, but with her.
Two years later, I met my mother at my brother’s funeral. She squeezed between my sister and me and turned her back toward me. My thought was, “You got your nerve!” I was ready to hit her in the head with something. I got so angry at her. However, God is funny, and He made it so that I had to walk out with my mother during the funeral recessional, since the family walked behind the casket pairs of two. Outside of the church, my brother, who is a pastor, introduced us. I then introduced her to my husband and daughter. The only words she spoke to me were, “You look just like your father.” At my brother’s gravesite, I walked over to my mother, hugged her, and told her I loved her. She looked at me so strange, and I walked away.
A year later, I returned to Alabama for her funeral. After her funeral, my brother (the pastor) took me to her house. The very first time I was able to go to my mother’s house was the day she was buried. But, to God be the glory! I had forgiven her because of a teaching my pastor did on forgiveness, and I felt she knew I forgave her. Going through the house, there were pictures spread on her table. A photo that jumped out at me was a black and white wallet size picture of my grandmother, Adeline Hamm. I couldn't believe it! All those years and there was a picture of my grandmother. I was told later that she was fond of my grandmother and would call to check on me.
I remember one of those phone calls. I was 16 years old at the time, and a lady called and asked if I was Diane. I said, “Yes,” and she then asked to speak to my grandmother. After my grandmother got off the phone, she said to me, “Do you know who that was? That was your mother.” WHAT!!! I remember to this day how hot I was with both of them!
Today, I am thankful for all my grandmother instilled in me. I have been an intercessor at my church for over 15 years all because my Phoebe taught me how to humble myself before the Lord and pray. She has taught me so many other things: kindness, how to be a wife and a mother, and how to love unconditionally. I've been married for 37 years and am the grandmother of five. I have a son who is an accountant. My daughter is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University and a television producer. She's been married 14 years and has three children of her own.
I've had other Phoebes in my life since my grandmother’s passing in 1988: my mother in-law, Elsie Brown; my stepmother, Jessie Partridge; and my First Lady, CB. I love them all so very much, and I'm grateful for every lesson learned and taught.
I cannot express to God how thankful I am for placing each of these women strategically in my life.
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