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YOU HAVE MATERIAL THINGS TO NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE

Writer's picture: V. RoussellV. Roussell

Updated: Jun 7, 2023

Submitted by Vanessa Roussell


My Phoebe was there waiting for me to enter the world. Along the way, I've had several smart, courageous, and loving women there for me. When my Mom was pregnant with me, my first-known Phoebe rubbed her stomach and feet when Mommy was tired or hurting. When I came screaming into the world, on a Saturday morning at 10:25 a.m., my Tete was there. Tete is my mom's oldest sister and my very first Phoebe. She loved me as if I were her own from that day forward.

Throughout my wonderful childhood, I had a host of women who were standing in the gap for me and my mom. My Grandmother, Rosa, was a small woman, who looked after me while my mom worked. She taught me to love and appreciate family, God and life itself. She taught me that there was nothing I could not do. She taught me to work hard no matter what I was doing. She taught me humility when, as she put it, I was smelling myself.

My mom, Mommie, was always in my corner, even when I did not think she was. She was a single mother most of my life, so I did not see her often and I mistook her absence for not caring. But little did I know that she cared deeply and always wanted the best for me. I did not realize the depth of her love until I was an adult. She was my best friend. When others told me to back off. She told me to stand my ground. When others told me what they thought I needed to do, Mommie told me to think for myself. She said I'd make mistakes along the way but that they would be my mistakes and that I'd have to own them. It made me strong and independent. I can't thank her enough for those life lessons and for standing up for me.

Growing up as an only child in a neighborhood with the Creole girls (light skin and long hair), they sometimes called me names; other times they wanted to play. I learned that I did not need them and became very comfortable in my own skin, brown and nappy headed as I was. My mom taught me to fight. When the kids in the neighborhood were beating me up one day and my mom came up, she did not stop them. I was cowering and screaming for them to stop. My mom told me I better start fighting back or, when they got finished beating me, she was going to start beating me too. She taught me to defend myself against all odds.

As life continued, my grandmother went on to glory as did my mom. I miss them both dearly, but the lessons they taught me and the love they gave me lives on. I had a fantastic childhood, a great life as a young adult, and I am still standing. However, the worst period of my life surfaced with Hurricane Katrina and the years that followed. It put everything I knew and learned to the test. I failed, but out of my failure came more Phoebes.

My friend Kathryn was there for me; my friend Brenda was there for me. I lost a lot of the THINGS I had accumulated. I had to be reminded that material things do not define who you are. I suffered depression and had a minor stroke, but because of my Phoebes I am still standing.

Never discount the value of friendship, family and a strong sense of self. I am grateful to my Phoebes past and present and those to come.


Thank you, Phoebes, for being there for me and teaching me and loving me and helping me and counseling me and, well you get the picture.

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04 ago 2023
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Love your story!

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