Show Me Your Scars And I'll Show You Mine

On a visit to North Carolina for a long holiday weekend recently, my husband and I had the opportunity to enjoy a family and friends fish fry. While I spent the majority of my time in the kitchen serving and tidying up, my family and friends were lounging on the massive back deck socializing, listening to music, and enjoying much banter and laughter. After washing the last pot and putting the food away, I joined them for the tail end of the conversation they were having. And my new-found friend, Toya, exclaimed loudly and with vigorous passion, "Even Jesus had to show his scars." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks! "Even Jesus had to show his scars." And that got me to thinking why did Jesus have to show his scars?

Well, I went to the Bible and found in the Gospel of John, Chapter 20, Jesus appeared to his disciples to show them that he truly got up from the grave. However, Thomas, aka Doubting Thomas, was not there when He made his visit. And while the other disciples tried convincing Thomas that they saw Jesus with their own eyes and He was no longer in the grave. Thomas wasn't trying to hear that. Thomas emphatically said, "If I don't see the mark of the nails in his hands, put my finger into the marks on his side, I will never believe." Almost a week later, Jesus shows up on the scene again and stood among them (the disciples, including Thomas) and said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and look at my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side..."

Thomas needed to see the crucifixion scars on Jesus before he believed He was risen, and Jesus didn't mind showing him the scars. He was transparent, open, fearless, willing to be vulnerable and wasn't trying to hide his scars. He was no longer broken, but totally healed and had all victory over life, death, and healing. THE SCARS PROVED IT and Thomas' belief was transformed! So my question to you is what scars are you hiding that others need to see to make them a believer?

I have a few scars too. One over my left breast from the removal of a benign tumor. There's a 3-inch scar on my belly to remind me of the emergency gallbladder removal surgery I had to have in 2019. And I can't forget the scars that are on several of my toes due to a foot surgery from 30 years ago. And on my back, there's a scar left behind from removal of a lipoma. These scars are visible but let's talk about those hidden scars.

So many of us are putting concealer on our scars which are our testimony! We are hiding scars of guilt, shame, sexual and physical abuse, verbal abuse, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, molestation, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, shame of our past, prison record, fear, etc. However, we are still standing and here for a purpose, but we cannot receive our healing until WE SHOW OUR SCARS!

For most of my life I hid the scars of my childhood and past. In social environments with colleagues and peers, I would never join the conversation about my parents or how I grew up, because my mom and dad struggled with drug addiction and also spent time back and forth in prison. Therefore, my grandparents raised me and my brother until our late teens. I carried shame and guilt and hid my scars until the age of 40.

Invited to speak at church for a 2008 Mother's Day service, I decide to SHOW MY SCARS! I took the stage and lashed out at God with these four words: God, I hate you! And that is when my healing began. I cried and told God how much I hated him for the parents he gave me and how I had to grow up, but He showed me how my scars made me who I am today and without those scars I could not do what He called me to do. Most importantly, he placed women in my life (My Phoebes) to help me navigate life's muddy waters until my mom was healed of her addiction. I distinctly remember how many people approached me with tear-filled eyes after service thanking me for being transparent (showing my scars), and they began sharing their personal stories about their struggles with drug addiction or their parent's drug and/or alcohol addictions. We all began to heal. That was in 2008.

Fast forward to 2025, I again had the honor of sharing my story to a congregation of 200+ people. This time I got the same reaction: folks with tears in their eyes, personal stories about struggles with addiction (either them or their children), hugs, and several folks thanking me for being obedient to God and vulnerable in sharing. I also did not tell God how much I hated him. This time my heart was filled with thanksgiving and love, because He truly healed me. I showed them my scars, from a place of gratitude for my life's muddy waters, and they began showing me theirs.

Your healing can only begin when you stop concealing your scars. What I am learning as I travel along my life's journey is that we need each other. We must be real. We must be transparent and when one person is bold enough to show their scars there are others who are willing to follow. So, as we say here at Love My Phoebe, "Let the healing begin!" Show me your scars, and I'll show you mine!!

Submitted by: The My Phoebe Team