An interview with Alina Bowie about her Phoebe, Regina Howard Q. Today, I am with Alina Bowie, and she is going to share a little bit about who her Phoebe is and why she is celebrating her. So, Alina, please tell me the name of your Phoebe. A. The name of my Phoebe is Regina Howard, who also happens to be my mother.
Q. Okay; I don’t need to ask you where and how you met your Phoebe, because that’s an organic relationship (laughter). So, you can tell me whatever you want to share about your mother. The questions that I had was what were you dealing with or going through during a dark period in your life and how did your Phoebe help you? So, you can just choose to share however you want to share about your mother and how she has helped you navigate the muddy waters of life to get you to where you are today. A. So, as I was kind of pondering about my Phoebe and who I would consider as I was going through the different challenging times and experiences that I’ve had in my life, I couldn’t really pinpoint any one person because, just me generally, as an introvert and internal processor, I don’t really bring a lot of people in when I’m going through challenging situations. But, what I did recognize is what I pull from in order to get me through these challenges — and I tend to pull from my childhood memories — is seeing my mother as a single parent of three, working multiple jobs, and going to school at the same time to ensure that -- there were several things that my mother made clear.
She didn’t want to raise us in the projects, so she ensured that she did whatever she needed to do to ensure that we had a single family home in a suburban area that was a safe area and where she could feel safe and that her children would be okay. And just seeing her model that type of strength -- I remember the days when she was in school and working and sitting at the table and studying with that (sic) statistics. She tells that statistics story (laughter) and how she struggled through statistics, and I have a very vivid memory of my mother sitting at the living room table with one of her friends trying to work through statistics. She ensured that we were in church -- myself and my two older sisters. I have two older sisters; one is ten years older; one is seven years older.
So, when I go through the challenges of life, I think about the strength that my mother displayed as we were growing up, and I look to her example. And, not just the lessons that were verbal and sit-down talks we’ve had over the years, but just seeing that for me was enough to kind of give me the strength to pull myself up by my bootstraps and gain any courage that I needed to know that I was going to get through whatever it was that I was being challenged with at that particular time. Because seeing my mother get through and persevere and display what it is to be strong and to see and have life knock you down and understand that you can get up. You will get up, and things will get better.
Q. Awesome. That is beautiful. So, what piece of advice would you give to other young ladies who are being raised by single moms and they may be living in the projects and their mothers may not be as motivated as your mother was/is. What advice would you give to them? A. I would say that everybody is doing the best they can with what they have. So, I was actually having this conversation with a few people yesterday and saying that you can’t really compare people. Everybody’s story is different. Everybody’s experiences are different, and you don’t necessarily know all of the challenges that your parent has been through that formed and shaped them to be the individual that they are. We all experience trauma in our lives. We all experience pain, and it produces a very particular individual. So, I would just say to take the best of your parent and emphasize the best of who they are and don’t emphasize the flaws, because we all can pick each other apart. If you look hard enough, you can find anything.
I would encourage them to take the best of their parent and hold onto that and utilize whatever their strengths are -- their gifts, their talents, their abilities -- highlight that and hold onto that. That would be my advice.
Q. I like that. That is something that I tell my grandson all the time. Take the good and get rid of the bad, because everybody has good in them, and everybody has bad in them. So, hold onto what’s good and let the rest go. That is awesome advice. Now, my last question that I have for you is, if you were sitting in front of your mother right now, tell me what you would say to her. A. That I appreciate the way in which she modeled strength and perseverance, and not in a way of perfection. She was very human and very honest and very forthright with the challenges and struggles of life. So, I appreciated her humanity and her wisdom and her strength in displaying that we can come through anything. We can make it through anything.
Get your education. Do the best you can. Love God. Walk with God to the best of your ability and everything will work itself out. So I appreciate the model that she was for me that I can now, as an adult, even to this day —as I’m 41 years old — I can go back into my memory bank and recall very specific situations and very specific conversations that I’ve had that have gotten me through difficult times. So, I would just thank her and appreciate her for that.
Q. Awesome. Well, Alina, that concludes our interview. I want to thank you for your time. That was a beautiful story that you shared about your mother, your Phoebe.
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